I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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