dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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