She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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