my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
When are your genitals available?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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