if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
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