stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
