your parents love me but you hate me
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
