you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
