what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There's always time for handjobs
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
