I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
