who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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