i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Don't EVER smell your tampon
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
