ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
