Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
