My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she woke up with a sticky ear
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
