So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You need Xanax blowdarts
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
