I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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