Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
