One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
