You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
3pm strippers are depressing
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
