im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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