I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
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we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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