I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
