She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
