Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
