you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
