i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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