How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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