Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
