mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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