When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
