so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
