farters have to be the big spoon...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
