I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
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There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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