oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
