I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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