I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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