Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
