I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Fuck appropriateness.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize