3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
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Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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