you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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