I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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