Betty ford says i'm here all night
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
