I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
