Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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