So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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