OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
