I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
