Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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