Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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