i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
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You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
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Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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