Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
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Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
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I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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