i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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