i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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