I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
