I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
