I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
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I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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