dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
